Friday, May 13, 2016

Life Chats



Friday kisses to you all! 
I've had a couple of different things on my mind for the topic of today's Life Chats.  The one that seemed to scream the loudest to me was love. That's right, l-o-v-e.  With all of the weddings, engagements, and babies going on around me the one question that often comes up is "Why aren't you dating anyone?" Believe me, it comes up more than I would like to admit.  The short simple answer is that I choose to be single right now, but truthfully there is a deeper meaning.  I don't owe anyone an explanation of course, but after recently talking about this with friends and even getting this question from a few readers, I decided to open up about it.  

Without getting into too much detail about my dating history, I will just say that I have had my heart broken many times in the past. I was cheated on more than once.  I never really picked the right guys, especially in college. I had one horrible relationship and another on and off one that went on for several years. I've only been in love once although back then I thought I had fallen in love several times.  I was the girl who became too emotionally involved to the point where I let it consume me too much.  I didn't understand the difference between wanting someone and needing someone.  When a guy hurt me, it seemed like it was the end of the world and because of that I started to lose my sense of self.  A friend said to me once during a time when the love of my life let me walk away, "You lived before him and you will live after him."  To this day it's something that I will always remember.  When you're cheated on or not treated the way you deserve to be, it can be detrimental to the way that you see yourself.  And I admit it, it made me very insecure for a very long time. 

When my father died, something clicked inside of me.  For the first time in my life I had experienced true heartbreak.  This pain was so much greater than all of the other times I thought I had been hurt in the past.  I mean those other "heartbreaks" didn't even compare.  I just knew right then and there that I needed to make changes not just with guys, but with the way that I saw myself.  I needed to feel lost and broken so that I could find my way back and put the pieces together again.  So for a very long time I chose to stay single so that I could truly focus on ME. As cliché as it sounds, I needed to work on the most important relationship and that is the one with myself.  For the first time in what felt like forever, I started to put myself first again.  Time after time I had made these guys a priority when I was only an option to them and I refused to continue that cycle.  It wasn't really until I turned 30 that I learned to let go of most of the insecurities that I had held on to for so long.  I felt confident again and comfortable in my own skin.  I had completely rebuilt myself and chased after my dreams full force.  I put my heart and soul into everything that I did.  Sometimes people view being single as sad and lonely and in fact it's been quite the opposite for me.  I think in order to be happy with someone else you need to learn to be happy on your own first.  So that is what I did and it's been empowering. 

Of course I have dated and met guys within the last several years, but my outlook has changed and I have changed.  I won't settle ever again.  I've made myself a priority for so long now that I admit it's a little scary to give a man a significant role in my life again.  I've put up a few walls that weren't there before.  When the time is right though and more importantly when the guy is the right one, then I am sure love will happen for me.  There are still so many goals that I want to accomplish on my own and some things that I still need to prove to myself before I am ready to completely share my life with someone.  I am in no rush and I don't want to force something just so that I can say I am in a relationship.  I could easily meet someone next year and that could be it for me or maybe it won't happen until I am 40.  Either way, I am OK with both outcomes. Loving someone and being in love is truly amazing. Now that I have learned to love myself again, I know what I am worth and what I deserve so I will be ready for it.

  This was really personal for me to share with all of you, but given the conversations that I have had with others about it, I feel like it could help someone who has gone through the same struggle.  The journey of self acceptance and appreciation can sometimes be a long one, but it's worth it.  Never forget how amazing and worthy you are. <3

6 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this. It's SO important to keep in mind. Loving yourself first is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself!
    <3
    katsfashionfix.blogspot.com

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    1. It truly is! Thanks for reading babe! xo

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  2. GOOD MORNING NATY.. I BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG FOR A LOOOOONG TIME, AND I AM ALWAYS RECOMMENDING YMY FRIENDS TO YOU, WHENEVER THEY ASK WHO NEW TO FOLLOW IN THE BLOG WORLD... I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR LIFE CHATS ARE GREAT.. THEY ARE VERY RELATABLE, REAL/RAW.. I CAN RELATE TO TODAYS TOPIC, SPECIFICALLY... GOOD READ.. ENJOYED IT... PATIENTLY WAITING FOR MORE.. HAVE A GREAT DAY..
    P.S TELL YOUR MOM I SAID, HI. SHE SO CUTE/FUNNY....

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    1. You have no idea how much that means to me! Thank you for continuing to follow along and read my posts and for telling your friends about me. I seriously appreciate all of the love and support! So happy you like my Life Chats. I'll tell my mom you said hello :) <3

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  3. I just came to your blog from Style at a Certain Age today, and after reading today's Life Chat, I just felt compelled to comment. Everything you're saying is exactly what I went through when I was much, much younger. I had gone through heartbreaks, but when my dad passed away suddenly when I was 25, it signaled a shift in me that literally changed my life. I finally took charge of ME. Finished my college education, rebuilt my self-esteem, focused on my goals. And it all worked. I found a career that I've loved (mostly) for over 30 years, built friendships for life, and found a wonderful man to share my life with when I was 38 years old. We've been married now for 23 years, and they've been the best 23 years of my life. He truly is my soul mate (as cliche as that sounds). So don't ever give up on yourself. You are on the right path. Such a smart, beautiful young woman. Best to you!!

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    1. Hi Judy! I'm so happy you found my blog and felt connected to my Life Chats post. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. It's so inspiring and definitely gives me hope! It really is so crazy how losing a parent can make you change so much. It forces us to take a closer look at our lives. So happy for you that everything came together. Slowly but surely it is for me too. Thanks so much of your kind words! <3

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