With Christmas tomorrow, I've been thinking so much about what it is that I want. I don't mean material things like new shoes or a new bag, but the things that I want out of life. I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I am content. I feel like I have everything that I need at this point in my life. Nothing is perfect and of course I still have some goals and dreams to fulfill, but I know that will happen exactly when and how it's supposed to and not a moment sooner. I admit that there are things I continue to struggle with a little bit, but the peace and freedom that I felt in Ireland has stayed with me. I'm grateful for that.
The holidays are always difficult without my father and while I do my best to be present in the moment, I can't help but relive the past in my mind. I remember asking him what he wanted for Christmas and every year he gave me the same response, "I just want you and your sister to get along." I would laugh it off and say, "Yeah yeah, but seriously dad what do you want that you can open?" He would respond with, "Seriously, I just want you and your sister to get along because one day when your mother and I are no longer here, you will only have each other." I didn't really pay much mind to it then, but I understand now why he always drilled that into my mind. All of those life lessons and pieces of advice he gave me are gifts that I will cherish forever. I hope he's beaming with happiness to see how close we have grown over these last several years.
In less than three weeks, my niece will be welcomed into this world and it's finally all becoming real to me that my big sis will be a mother. These last 9 months have flown by so quickly and while there were some ups and downs a long the way, I am very thankful to have been there by my sister's side. I'm so happy that my mom is finally going to be a grandma, but sad that my niece will never get to meet her grandfather. It's both an emotional and exciting time for our family and this little girl is already so very loved. She is the biggest blessing for all of us and is going to make 2016 a very special one. I can't wait to meet her and hold her in my arms.
I want to briefly touch on the concept that "everything will happen when it's supposed to and not a moment sooner" a little more. It's something that we tend to forget in the midst of all the daily pressures that we put on ourselves. The pressure to constantly succeed, to try and be perfect, to fall in love and get married, to follow a certain time line that we have set for ourselves and everything else that we have trained our minds to believe we need to do right now. I think sometimes we try to force it all to happen before it's supposed to. If there's anything that I have learned in my life, it's that things will come to us when we are ready and not when we THINK that we are ready. There's a fine line between the two. So remember to have patience and faith that everything will fall into place. It took me a long time, but I firmly believe that now. We have to be kind to ourselves because we are doing the best that we can.
I'm sending all my love and warmest wishes to you and your families this Christmas. May your hearts be filled with peace and I hope that you get everything you want, whether it's tomorrow or in the future. Merry Christmas!! <3