The countdown is on, 4 more days to Ireland. I have so many mixed emotions right now that I don't even know where to begin. Part of me still doesn't believe that I am actually doing this. The whole process of booking and planning just happened so fast, but it's coming at the right time. I know in my heart already that this experience is going to change so much for me. Everyone I know that has traveled alone says that it is eye opening and will change your life and your perspective on everything. You have to rely on yourself. You have to live completely outside of your comfort zone. You push your limits. You realize what you are capable of. I joined a Facebook group for women who travel with over 17,000 members and it's been so incredible reading all of their travel stories. It's also been a great resource to connect with others and ask for tips and advice. It made me realize how many others have already done what I am about to do and that definitely gave me both peace of mind and inspiration.
This trip is happening at the exact moment that I need it to because as I've mentioned in previous posts, I have been searching. I have been searching within myself for a while now. Being in this industry, as much as I love and enjoy what I do, it's a total mind f*ck sometimes. The numbers, the views, the photos, and social media... it all just gets to you and it happens without you even realizing it. It tends to suck you in and spit you back out. It's draining. You start to doubt yourself and your worth. Am I good enough? You start to compare. What am I doing wrong? It feels like more of a popularity contest than about creating genuine content. I finally got to the point where I've said no more. Numbers do not define me. My character does. Travels, adventures, experiences, self discovery, the people I meet... all of those things mean more to me than the number of likes I get on a photo or the amount of followers my social media accounts say that I have. I needed this trip more than I even realized and my heart is so full right now because of it. Being a blogger can be so powerful because you have a platform to connect with so many people in all different parts of the world. But how are you going to use that platform? What's the message that you want to get across? I want my message to be empowering for others. I want to share my experiences and my struggles, not just my success, which is why I choose to get personal on here. It's why I created this series and why I hope to develop this even further in the near future. Maybe my outfits draw you in, but I hope that WHO I AM makes you stay.
Whenever I travel, it's typically for work. It's usually a short 2-3 day trip with a packed schedule and specifics of what I need to do while I am there. As much as I do love those trips and am thankful for those opportunities, it doesn't compare to the feeling I have of knowing that I am doing Ireland on my own. It's a goal I've worked towards. It's a promise that I am finally fulfilling. It's something that I am paying for completely by myself. I am coming up with my own schedule and my own itinerary. I can take my time. I can breathe it all in. I can just BE. I rarely give myself enough credit for anything that I do. Finally in the midst of all of this I actually took a step back and said, "Wow. I am proud of myself. I made this happen." I don't do that enough. I made the decision to use this time as a break from my blog. Monday will be my last post before I leave and then I won't blog until I get back home. I never take a break from this and I think that sometimes it is definitely needed. It's always good to get some new inspiration and a fresh outlook on things. Now that this year is coming to a close, I can also fully reflect back on what 2015 has brought me, both the good and the bad, and figure out the direction that I want to take for 2016.
It may sound crazy, but I have been feeling even more connected to my father lately. My dreams have been intense and vivid. I've literally been waking up in the mornings and googling the images that I see in my dreams so that I can try and understand their meanings. It's almost as if he's just as excited and anxious for Ireland as I am. I can't wait for him to experience it with me in spirit. Believing and knowing that he is still with me and all around me makes me feel safe and at ease. I sometimes feel like I lose that connection with him, so for me to feel it again in these moments is everything to me. Even after all this time I still carry so much around in my heart when it comes to him. I think that this is something I should have done a long time ago, but either way I am thankful that it is happening now. I went back and forth on L.A. for the longest time when all along Ireland was the journey that I needed to take.
So here I am in this moment about to embark on my first solo adventure with my Angel by my side.