Friday, November 6, 2015

Life Chats: Birthday Edition



32 roses for 32 years.  
It's officially my birthday and there is so much that I have been reflecting on that I couldn't help but share it in a new Life Chats.  


I'm always honest and real in these posts, but I feel like today I am going a bit deeper.  Every year on my birthday I go through the motions.  I think about where I am currently at in my life, what I have been through and where I still want to be.  Being IN my 30s scares me sometimes.  Don't get me wrong; I have learned to fully embrace it.  I don't look my age and I don't feel my age. [thanks to my mom & dad for the good genes] It really is just a number, however the thought of it does affect me every now and then.  I kind of get those doses of reality where I am like, "Holy Shit.  I am actually in my 30s."  When I was in my early 20s, I thought that I knew where my life was headed.  I had this picture of what I believed my life would turn out to be.  If you asked me what I would be doing in 10-15 years, I would have said married with one or two kids. I thought that I would have fully pursued my music career and have some type of stability and consistency in my life.  I had this timeline of events in my head for when I thought that things were going to happen, but we cannot plan out our lives. 

When I hit my mid-late 20s and lost my father and my job, I was like a lost puppy trying to find my way back home.  When I decided to stop pursuing music, I had no real idea of what could possibly be next for me.  I just knew that I never wanted a regular 9-5 ever again and I was so adamant about it.  If you would have told me back then that I would be working for myself as a full time blogger I definitely would have laughed at you.  A blogger?  How is that even a job?  Guarantee those probably would have been the words to come out of my mouth.  I had no idea what it meant or what direction I was headed in.  I sometimes still question how I even got here.  I'm doing something that I absolutely love and something that I am passionate about, but there is still this consistent inconsistency with what I am doing.  Every day is different.  Every month is different.  Some are much better than others.  Working for yourself in any type of way is a struggle.  There are no guarantees.  It's a leap of faith that you take, but then again life in itself is one big leap of faith. 

 I look around at the closest people to me and they all have their steady careers.  Most of them are in relationships, some are married, some are homeowners and some have kids.  Here I am though on the compete opposite end of the spectrum, running around with no strings attached still trying to feed my soul and figure out where I am headed next.  Life did not give me what I thought it would, but it gave me exactly what I needed.  I think I am in such a different place than I was back in my 20s and the things that I thought I wanted are not the same things that I want at this moment in time.  That doesn't mean that I don't ever want to get married and have a family of my own one day, but I think there is still much more that I need to do before I even think of getting to that point.  



When I lost my father, I experienced real heartbreak.  I always thought the guys in my past that hurt me had broken my heart, but all they did was fracture it.  I realized in those moments of pain that I needed to work on the most important relationship of all, the one with myself.  That is exactly what I have been doing and I am in no rush.  When people ask why I am still single, I say because I choose to be.  It's a choice that I have made and being single in my 30s does not have to been seen as a bad thing.  I've learned to embrace it.  I've learned to own it.  Love will come in its own time and when it does I will honestly be able to say that I am ready for it.  I was never ready before and I know that is why I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it.  Timing is everything. This I know now.  

I might not be where I thought I would be at this age, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I feel blessed because of that.  Maybe my life doesn't fit the picture of what most expect a 32 year olds to look like, but that's ok with me.  I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I've had my share of struggles, but I've also had my share of success.  I'm actually proud of how far I have come.   The one thing I always promised myself that I would do is to follow my dreams, whatever they may be, and that is exactly what I have done.  I have no idea what the future holds for me or what the next steps are going to be.  I'm excited about it though and here with open arms for whatever may unfold.   In some ways I feel like my life is just beginning.  Before I turned 30 I was told that these would be the best years of my life.  It's true.  They are. 

So today, I celebrate and embrace what my life has become.  I am so thankful.
Happy Birthday to me!  

P.S. If you reached the end of this post, thank you for reading it all.  You rock. 

24 comments:

  1. Beautiful special post 😍 Made me tear up and realize SO much. God bless you Naty

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    1. Thank you Denisse! I appreciate you reading it! xo

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  2. I hear you on so many levels. You should be so, so proud of how far you've come and how much you've accomplished. Being in this industry is tough and everchanging, but you've managed to break the mold while remaining so completely down to earth. I can't even tell you how much I admire that about you :)

    Happy Birthday, Naty! <3

    xoxo,
    Lisa

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words Lisa. It means more to me than you know. Hope to see you soon! <3

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  3. Happy Birthday, Naty!

    Loved loved this post. I've dealt with these emotions too! I'm in my late twenties and can't believe I'm going to be thirty soon! It's scary. And just like you...I do not look my age. I can pass for an eighteen year old! (Good genes, though! Haha) I am a single mother, who is still going to school and lives with her parents.

    But I've learned that my journey is different. And when the time is right, everything will fall into place. What's meant to be will happen...no matter what!

    But HBD beautiful! You make 32 look good!

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    1. Thank you Debra! 30s can definitely be scary, but they really are the best years! Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. You are 100% right about the time. Everything happens when it is supposed to. xoxo

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  4. Happy birthday beautiful! Thank you for always being honest and sharing your journey with us!!!

    Paulina

    shenanigan-ska.blogspot.com

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    1. And thank you for always checking out these posts! Means so much. <3

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  5. Happy Birthday Naty!

    Perfection in the most beautiful and humble way.

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  6. Happy birthday Hun,like I always say I discovered ur blog around this time in 2013 n I love it.
    Its so funny how we are in 2 different worlds but ur life is so relatable to mine and I think that's where I was like Thank God am not the only one experiencing some of this things.

    You are exactly where ur meant to be and I wish u many mo blessings n birthdays.God Bless You.

    love
    Rena

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    1. I am so happy that you found it and that you have continued to stick around. That makes me so happy. You are definitely not alone in the things that you go through in life. I love that you have been able to relate to these posts. xo

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  7. Happy birthday!! I loved reading this post! Like you, I'm not where I thought I would be at this point, and I have had to try to figure things out by working on who I am from the inside. While my life isn't perfect, I am happy with the person that I have become. I've fought long and hard to get to this point and it was worth it in so many ways
    Charlene xo
    The Frugal Fashionista

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    1. Working on ourselves is more important than most realize. I have found that when you do that though, everything starts to fall in place. It's so true that it all starts from within. I hope that everything turns out the way that you want it to. Thanks for the love Charlene! <3

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  8. You are amazing! I look up to you, yes I look up to your mess of gorgeous chaos. This 22-year-old is inspired by your story. Happy birthday Naty. Much love❤️

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    1. Ruth!! I love that you said gorgeous chaos haha. Your words meant a lot to me. Thank you so much! xo

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  9. It's incredible how your life chats entries hit so close to home. I have not yet reached my 30's and I already feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I can relate to your message, especially the part on marriage and kids. Being Latina, I sometimes feel like my family looks at me like "what are you waiting for?" Thank you for continuing to inspire others and reminding us that we're not alone. Happy birthday! xo

    xoxoFrancheska.com

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    1. I am so happy that you have continued to relate to these posts and that you read them at times when you might need to the most. It's so crazy how we are all so different, yet in some ways exactly the same. I love that this series has made me feel so much more connected to all of you. Thank you for taking the time to read these and for the love you show. Always know that you are not alone. <3

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  10. http://windittight.com/alexander-mcqueen/

    Loving the photos.

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  11. In my late 20s and am very scared of my age,i lost my mum in late 2014 am still grieving which is also slowing down my life,you inspire me so much Naty,and i hope i become good in blogging like you.

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